Peak-ing

Songs of You of This

I started a playlist and let it run. Songs of You, of This. Suddenly I am transported to another time and place. Where the sun shines eternally and everything is fresh and new. Friendships that seem destined, love that's just blossoming. And one glorious word encompassing all.

Possibility

Hunching my shoulders forward, I react gratefully to the melodies in my ears. Each one unlocking a hundred memories. Kind words, deep discussions, even tarot readings. My heart lurches hungrily, painfully at key moments, tunes, rhythms. Grasping memories that feel almost physical. They weigh me down and lift me up intermittently.

Comfort

I find comfort in the plucking of guitar strings, the beating of drums, the ever gorgeous hums of the cello. Each song I've heard a dozen, fifty, a hundred times. Each time feels like the first. I shouldn't be surprised. Spring is around the corner. I know what this means.

I'm twitterpated.

Loving Life

I’m not sure what’s holding
Me together anymore
The smallest things tear me
Down I’m tender to the core

I feel things happening all
Around me calling me in close
Blinding though is my desire to
Cling to that which matters most

I’ve learned that fun is still
Possible when I feel so low
Loving life is still attainable
Yes thankfully this I know

So push that pain yet further
Down and lift your head high
Hold on to the fact that the
Pain’s almost over relief is nigh.

To Quote Kelly Clarkson...

My life would suck without you.

White Noise

There’s an awful churning in my gut
Like I’m hungry
But I’m not hungry.

My heart feels stretched so thin
Like it’s been scraped
Over too vast an expanse.

It’s so confusing flip-flopping
From one feeling
Then to another.

One minute I’m bursting,
Hopeful, cheerful,
The next I’m only alone.

I need an escape now,
A quick release,
To pick the pieces back up.

When I know what I want,
What’s right,
The solitude becomes too much.

But hold on I must
For a time,
A place where I’ll feel at home.

If I just stay patient
The unmatched rewards
Will far outweigh the white noise.

A Look Back...

At 2009

I have never really done a year in review or anything like that, but here goes. The happy moments, the sad ones, the feats and the memories:

In 2009...

10. I read 55 books, and began a 56th.
9. My favorite students threw me a goodbye party
8. I sledded in the Alps (as 2008 became 2009)
7. I toured Edinburgh, London, Budapest, Bruges, Amsterdam, Paris, Brussels, Milan, Vienna, and Glasgow
6. I fell in love with a school and a country
5. Matthew came to France
4. We lost Louis and got Henry
3. I had a special visitor all of September
2. I met Matthew, and fell in love
1. I got to live another year of love, life and joy with the 4 (and now 5) people who mean the most.

The Almost-Christmas

If this is the time to be with the people you love, I'm only 4/5.